The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How's work?
Spinning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
