Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
