someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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