the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
