READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
