Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
