I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Randomize
