Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
