would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
