After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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