Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so much tequila, so little girl.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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