dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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