He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
