It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
