just tell him i said nine months
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
