when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
