oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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