is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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