Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
