you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
