I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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