Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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