i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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