Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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