Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
