Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
