I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
