Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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