I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
