I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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