Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
