yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
