I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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