okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
