Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
