i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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