Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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