dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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