Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
