Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
