I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
