Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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