I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
