i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drunk is not a location!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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