i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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