sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
50% drunk capacity currently
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
