I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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