I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
