I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
