Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
