Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
