Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
