nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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