We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
