Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
