Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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